he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
