i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
