I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
