i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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