I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
