i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
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You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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