that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
