I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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