yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
