Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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