cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
