He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes