If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
