Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
