I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
