The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Drake has all the answers
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
