He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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