If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
