Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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