Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
