I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
