You just made me feel so damn special
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
