my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
