Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
