dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What a dumb baby whore.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
