I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
