I'm lost and stupid without you.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
