One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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