The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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