just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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