perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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