Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
