It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
