she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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