i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
