Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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