they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
