Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize