Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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