I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
