he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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