I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
