I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
