Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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