he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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