i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
