My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
