I can text with my tongue
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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