Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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