so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
