in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
