I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
