I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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