just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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