i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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