Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
