It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize