We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
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so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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