Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
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It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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