i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
