Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
