Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
