I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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