I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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