i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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