Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
