I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
