I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
