I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize